her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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