we have pet lesbian snakes
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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