dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
