Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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