it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize