so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
