is your mom at the bar?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
