Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
