I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
