first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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