RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I am one with the molecules
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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