she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
