I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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