Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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