i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
