he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
