Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
