so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
