He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
