i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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