i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
