Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize
