i wish semen tasted like chocolate
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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