We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
