thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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