I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
