I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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