12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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