whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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