Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
