He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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