...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize