my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
