How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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