Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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