mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
