I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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