remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Randomize