I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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