Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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