who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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