if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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