I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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