I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
it's like heaven, but drunker
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
