he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
