I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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