Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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