Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
