I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
