Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
