how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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