i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It was confusing and full of hummus
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
