Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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