I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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