What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
