I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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