Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
