oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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