I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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