i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
