hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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