i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I've blown a few things in my day
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
