so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
