Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
