Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
