Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
