Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
