So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
NoShamevember. You game?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I want a musical about memes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
