Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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