i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I will pee on everything he values.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Randomize
