I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
