And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
