fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
