matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Even my vagina gasped.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
